I Love You (for real this time)

I think one of the hardest things about my recent break up is that I miss taking care of her. It wasn’t anything she did for me, or anything I gained because of her presence in my life (which was alot). It was the way my heart felt when I was able to serve her and encourage her. Trying to make her feel like she could do anything, sending her bible verses that stood out to me, praying for her and with her, and challenging her to go deeper in Christ. I loved doing that! It made me feel like I had purpose. Being able to be a part of God working in her life gave me energy. It gave me hope for my own life and increased my faith and love for God. And it simply just made me smile.

So, to my dismay, when that became no longer possible, I was heart-broken. Not just because she wasn’t going to be my wife as I thought and hoped for, but also because I wasn’t going to be able to take care of her as I once did. God and I had a lot of conversations about that. I did most of the talking. lol. But in the midst of the pain I heard him issue me a challenge:

Love and take care of my people the way you took care of her. The same things you would have done for her, do it for them.

Wow. I honestly don’t know how I felt at that moment. Don’t get me wrong, I always loved you. But not the way I loved her, and not in the way I loved her. I would have done anything for her. For you, I’m not so sure… to be honest. And the hard part is, I don’t think I would have known what a real love for someone looks like without the time I had with her, no matter how hard it was.

That’s the part that God and I are still having conversations about. I’m trying my best not to dominate the conversation as much this time. But in the mean time, I promised him that I would love all of you the way I loved her. Trying to make you feel like you can do anything, sending bible verses to you when they stand out to me, praying for you, encouraging you, and challenging you to all go deeper with Him. Because I love you. And I want to be a part of what God is doing in your life and witness the changes he is making in you. Because it builds my faith and makes me smile.

And I love that!